At some point, most of us start looking for the answer.
The answer to happiness.
The answer to relationships.
The answer to purpose, confidence, success, calm, and healing.
We scroll, listen, read, follow, subscribe. We ask friends. We book sessions. We look to coaches, religious leaders, influencers, experts, and sometimes celebrities, hoping someone else has worked it out and can show us the way.
This is not a weakness.
It is a very human thing to do.
Our brains like certainty
As humans, we are wired to look for certainty. Our brains evolved to keep us safe, not to make us happy. Knowing what was coming next helped our ancestors survive. Not knowing often meant danger.
That wiring has not gone anywhere.
When things feel unclear or out of our control, our nervous system switches on. We feel restless, tense, unsettled. Our mind wants to close the loop. It wants answers so it can calm down again.
That is why “I don’t know” can feel so uncomfortable.
It is also why confident, clear answers feel soothing, even when they are overly simple or do not quite fit our lives.
Uncertainty feels like a threat
When life feels uncertain, our body often reacts as if something is wrong, even when nothing dangerous is actually happening. Big decisions, relationship changes, career questions, parenting doubts, identity shifts. These moments trigger stress because the outcome is unknown.
We are not just looking for an answer.
We are looking for relief.
And when someone speaks with confidence, certainty, or authority, our nervous system often leans toward them automatically. Not necessarily because they are right, but because certainty feels safer than ambiguity.
Why we follow others’ paths
When we feel unsure, we naturally look outward.
We follow people who seem calm, successful, spiritual, grounded, or confident. Coaches with frameworks. Influencers with routines. Religious figures with rules. Celebrities with lifestyles.
If they have the life we want, we assume they must have the answer.
This is captured perfectly in a Simpsons episode, “Bart Gets a ‘Z’.” Bart buys Mrs Krabappel a self-help book and DVD called The Answer. It is basically Springfield’s version of The Secret. The joke is that everyone wants a simple formula that promises to fix life if you just follow the steps.
It is funny because it is familiar.
If only personal growth came with a DVD, a tidy explanation, and a guarantee.
There is comfort in being told what to do. It reduces the pressure of choice. It gives us structure. It offers a sense of belonging.
Sometimes this guidance is genuinely helpful. Learning from others is part of being human.
But sometimes we outsource too much of ourselves.
The quiet cost of chasing the answer
The problem is not learning from others.
The problem is believing there is one universal answer that works for everyone.
When we believe that, a few things often happen:
• We stop listening to our own internal signals
• We compare our messy reality to someone else’s polished version
• We assume uncertainty means we are failing
• We feel behind, broken, or not doing life properly
Social media has made this worse. We see people presenting certainty as success. Morning routines, mindsets, belief systems, “do this and everything changes” messages.
But real life is rarely that neat.
People with money still struggle. Spiritual leaders still experience doubt. Influencers still have anxiety. Certainty is often curated, not lived.
Meaning matters more than answers
What actually supports mental well-being is not having everything figured out. It is having a sense of meaning.
Meaning does not come from certainty.
Meaning comes from values, connection, and direction.
You do not need all the answers to move forward. You need enough clarity to take the next step that aligns with who you are and what matters to you.
This is often what people discover in counselling. Not answers, but space. Space to slow down, to sit with uncertainty without panic, and to notice what feels right for them.
Learning to tolerate “I’m not sure yet” is a powerful life skill.
A more useful way to look at it
Instead of searching for the answer, it can help to ask better questions:
• What feels aligned for me right now?
• What values do I want to live by?
• What support do I need in this season of life?
• What am I avoiding because I want certainty first?
Guidance can be helpful. Community can be supportive. Learning from others has value.
Just not at the cost of your own voice.
You are not behind because you feel unsure.
You are not broken because you are questioning.
You are human.
And being human was never meant to come with a single book, DVD, or influencer called The Answer that magically fixes everything.
Copyright Watkins Therapy Group 2026